Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

3/19/2007

How I wish...

How I wish I were numb. Not able to feel the hurt or the sting of another's words. How I wish I could pretend that it didn't matter to me what other's thought or said about me and my family. How I wish I could take this journal back from the world and share it only with those it was originally started for. It was written and designed as a source of information and insight for our family. For those people in this world who we knew we could trust with our raw emotion, our brokenness, our baby and her fight to live. I never expected to share my heart the good parts or the bad, the beautiful parts or the ugly with the entire world. It just happened. As it unfolded I stepped back and decided I would allow Him to use it in any way that He chose. How I wish that this had never been opened up to those with anger, bitterness, hatefullness, unkind words, ill will, or judgemental tendicies. How I wish I could look at Him and say, " give it all back. Give it back to Dave and I and don't ever allow it to go anywhere else." I won't say that. I don't have the right to ask Him to do this. He gave our baby to us and how dare I try and be selfish with her story and with her life. How I wish other people and their opinions did not hurt so very bad.

How I wish that I could walk this path and never stumble. How I wish that I lived this part of my life flawlessly. How I wish that I could do this on my own, but one thing HE has taught me is that we were never created to live this life alone. How I wish I could re write the pages of this journal, the ugly pages, and make it into something beautiful and perfect, but that would make me dishonest. One thing I refuse to be is a liar. I will not pretend that this is easy. I will not look at another transplant family and tell them that all will be fine, things will be perfect, their lives will end up happily ever after, and their child will grow up to a ripe old age without any illness, set backs, or surprises. That is not the truth. The truth of this journey is found in the pages of her story. Blessings abound, strength is given, help is there, support is just a prayer away, miracles lay around every corner, His presence is made know if you are searching, your tears are collected by the very one who created your child, but IT IS NOT EASY. THERE IS NOT ALWAYS A HAPPY ENDING. IT WILL BE HARD. REAL LIFE AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU REFUSE TO STOP JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HURTING, JUST BECAUSE YOUR VERY SOUL, YOUR PRECIOUS BABY IS DYING.

How I wish I had it all figured out and how I wish I could erase the moments when I fall because of my weaknesses. How I wish I could make other people kinder and more understanding. How I wish I could make "some" people realize that I would never say an unkind, hateful, bitter, mean spirited thing to you as you opened up your heart to the world. How I wish I could make you like me a little more. How I wish you had the desire to beome my friend, because I think you would find out that I know I am blessed and I know my little Ashley is a miracle in the making. How I wish I had done a better job to make you see my heart. My true self.

How I wish it didn't sting and make me cry and how I wish my precious Allie did not have to walk in and catch me reading the very words that broke me. Now I am wishing that I had never done this because today your words not only hurt me but you hurt my nine year old daughter who wants to know why you would want to make me cry. How I wish I could rewind today and never turn on this computer to allow you to interfere in my daughter's world.

How I wish I had read the text book, the one that prepared me for all of this, a little more. I know that He will heal my hurt and He will give me the strength to pull this part of my life off. That is one thing I don't have to wish for, because I know He is faithfull.

69 Comments:

At 10:28 PM , Blogger Robyn said...

I'm so sad reading this. THANK YOU for opening up and sharing Ashley's story, and what amazing things God is doing in your family. I wish I had a "fix it" wand for you and Allie. It seems terribly unfair that in the midst of everything else that you feel criticised but hang onto all the good stuff and try to remember that hurtful comments come from people who are broken and hurting themselves. Wishing you all peaceful rest tonight.

 
At 10:30 PM , Blogger renovating this heart said...

Hey lovely, I just read the comment from the post below that I'm assuming has very much hurt your heart. I am so sorry for that person's words and wish I could make them disappear. How much I want to hear your true heart, Trish.... ALL your feelings, not just the pretty ones. I think most people who read Ashley's story feel the same way. I'll be praying for you tonight, that God would comfort you and remind you how loved you are by so many. I respect you and honor your feelings... and more than that, God gets it, girl. He does.... He understands more than any of us ever could. Please know that I have been checking every day despite my lack of comments, rejoicing over Ashley's unexpected homecoming, praying for her health and safety. Love to you and lots of hugs. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

 
At 10:44 PM , Blogger I'm Toni. said...

Hi Trish,
This is my first visit to Ashley's Journal. I found it through your SIL's blog. People connect for all kinds of reasons. I believe God led me here today for one purpose and that is to know that you are hurting and to pray. And I will do that.

I'm deeply saddened that another person chose to use Ashley's Journal to inappropriately vent their own pain. That person could have requested prayer here by sharing their personal connection with grief, trials or loss and I'm sure that request would have been fullfilled a hundred times over.
Instead, they projected on to you their own personal misery. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

I hope that person might consider how inappropriate that was. Maybe next time she will reach out with empathy and ask for prayer for herself. I can only hope.
Love in Christ,
~Toni~

 
At 11:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish-my heart broke as I read that. You have done nothing wrong. Your writings are real and true and from your heart. You are real. I am sad that Allie had to see those unkind words. And to see her Mommy cry. God has done amazing miracles in your family. He has given you the strength, comfort, mercy, and grace to face each new day. You are a testimony straight from the Lord. How I wish I could take your "sting" away. Remember, there are many, many of us praying for you, loving you, and trying to lift you up. I hope you get good rest tonight and you can start tomorrow anew fresh with peace and comfort.

Lovingly,

Shari

 
At 11:07 PM , Anonymous Marlain said...

Trish,
I am so sorry for the hurt some have caused.
I am so happy to be able to read the entries you leave in this blog and to follow God's working in the life of one girl and her precious family. When I first started reading the blog (a link from Sarah's in the Midst) I was touched. I read through the medical "facts" of what has happened, but I connected with the heart you have and began to pray that God will someday give me more children and I can feel like you do about your three children. I identified with your talking about not understanding how you could love another child after Blake, but then how God just grows your heart for Allie and then the same with Ash. I was so encouraged to hear you say that as I'd wondered those thoughts. I've praised God so many times that He knows what we can handle, thinking I could never handle what you have had to go through. But then I've thought that perhaps I have to learn my own trials and be prepared for the day that I might live struggles as hard as yours. That has made me look at my marriage and my relationships with others more carefully. Am I sure they are so strong today, that tomorrow they could be turned upside down by something this hard and we could hold on.
Most importantly your story has made me come before our God more often. And in the process I'm learning to pray more. I found myself praying more for your Ashley then I did for anyone else. I realized that if I can pray this much for a stranger, I should approach the throne more often with my own heart and the needs of my family. I've learned to pray more.
So, please help me continue to grow. Realize how you are molding the life of a young mom with one little girl. You are helping me become more Christ-like as I read about you becoming more Christ-like. And I continue to pray that my Madison will someday be as awesome as your Allison!
Goodnight from one home in Texas to another.
Marlain

 
At 11:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I am so sorry you had to read that unkind comment - and for Allison to read it too! I saw it there and I wish I could have deleted it before you read it.

I completely understand your emotions now. This has been a very long, exciting, lovely, trying, happy, hard, exhausting week for you! Anyone with a baby knows the feeling!

I hope you can get some peace tonight. I will also pray for the person who wrote that. He/she needs our prayers because he/she is suffering.

I hope you get more joy out of the blog than unkindness. This is just a thought, but you may want to have people sign in under an email address and name from now on. It may prevent these attacks in the future.

May you be at peace tonight. Best wishes, Pam

 
At 11:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The people who don't understand, who don't know the right things to say or feel compelled to say things that hurt, they are part of the backdrop where God is working. Part of the great wilderness He is bringing you through. I'm sorry for the hurt, and I hope people will stop making comments that hurt, but they are part of the story and part of where His love marches. Part of where He is using you. His light shines all the brighter, through your testimony and your walk, on days like this.
- Dee Dee R.

 
At 11:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am very sorry you had to be hurt by someone's words this week of all weeks. This is the week of all weeks to be fully happy and I hope you can experience that happiness the rest of the week.

So many have prayed for this week. So many have hoped for it. So many are THRILLED you and Ashley are home!!!

I will pray for you all tonight. You are a great mom, just remember that! You show the love of Christ like no one else I know. You have been a blessing in my life.

Love, Jennifer

 
At 11:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

And although I completely sympathize with wanting to get your house together, I don't see much time in your schedule for sleep. How will you cope with others' negativity or with the day to day challenges of a sick little one if you are getting no rest? Please,please, please, make getting some sleep a priority. He gives His beloved sleep, something I often need to hear myself. - Dee Dee R.

 
At 11:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS - Jennifer again here :)

I just wanted to add that it is pretty normal on public places like this to get the good, the bad and the ugly as far as comments go. You both seem to get very little of it compared to most. But I know the hurt and pain is all the same no matter 1 or 100 like this.

I think Pam may be right about setting up the comments to require a name and email. Some people get rid of the comments altogether because so many leave unkind remarks. It seems like you and Dave have been hurt so much by the unkind comments in the past.

I have been a faithful reader for over 6 months and plan to continue to pray for Ashley everyday!

Love, Jennifer

 
At 5:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

May God bring you peace in this world of uncertainty! We truly live in a time when things are getting worse, so even on dear Ashley's story it has entered, but PLEASE know that her story and the realness of your life help bring life to others. Yes, there may be a few tainted words logged, but step back and count ALL the wonderful, loving prayers and encouraging words offered for months now. There are people who have never met Ashley (us included) that have come to check on her everyday (many times more than once a day) and prayer continuously for her. Your little (not tiny) pickle is one of God's testimonies, so please don't stop sharing your heart. Use this opportunity to share the good vs. evil with Allie. And that God wins! We continue to life you and your precious family before our Lord and truly look forward to hearing more updates. God Bless!

TM in WV

 
At 5:33 AM , Blogger Carey said...

Im sorry to hear that someone has hurt you and your daughter. There are people out there who are unhappy and will try and place that unhappiness upon others. Maybe this can turn into a time for you and your daughter to have a talk about how not everyone knows God, and not everyone is nice. Turn it into a lesson, something positive?
I will pray for something good to come out of this situation.
Your story has touched many lives and made so many more better(does that make sense?).
Through your story, I am learning more and more everyday that all things are possible with God's hand guiding you through.
Hang in there, God knows what he is doing.

 
At 5:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

(hug)...praying, always. Know that you all are loved so very much. And thank you for your amazing kindness, grace, and generosity in sharing with us your family, your hurts, your joys, your sweet Ashley. Love you.

 
At 5:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again, your words get at the heart of the human condition.

Be strong in your fight and in your faith.

WE are glad you are here and WE pray for your family daily.

May you know the love of God today and hear only the loving words of humans...

 
At 5:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again, your words get at the heart of the human condition.

Be strong in your fight and in your faith.

WE are glad you are here and WE pray for your family daily.

May you know the love of God today and hear only the loving words of humans...

 
At 6:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been coming here after being cyber "introduced" to your family by one of your church families in October and it has been a daily part of my life since then. It is the first thing I do in the mornings and one of the last things I do at night. The reason I am telling you this is to let you know that I have seen God work through your baby more than I have ever personally witnessed before. It has been an inspiration in my own life as things got tough and I began to doubt to know there "REALLY IS A GOD!" Sometimes we have to drop the ball so someone else can pick it up. From experience I can promise you that neither you nor your children will remember the out of order house but you will remember the times you spent loving and playing with them. YOU are important too. Take care of yourself as much as possible so you continue to have the strength to take care of your precious children and their daddy. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

 
At 6:47 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did Not make negative or unkind comments,Nor tainted words ,I did Not attack.I too am a christian.What I did say was really just about what everyone else was saying,read over the comments.Seems when someone does have something to say that You do not like to hear, than blogs get deleated or you tell how hurt you are.All I was saying you should count your blessings having a wonderful place to stay with your children,grandma's...Be happy you are in your hometown with all of your children,get a grip on things.Most of all to count your blessings of all the wonderful people that have been there for you.To all of you that jumped on this do read all the blogs.I too wish we all had a fix it wand but we don't so we get on with life we get a grip on life.I was just commenting as others and if you read over the bllogs it was pretty much the same as everyone else was saying.

 
At 6:49 AM , Anonymous andrea b. said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you, and I am also praying for whoever wrote that nasty comment. Thank you for letting us share in ashley's story. It has touched many people. Even though some people write rude or disheartening things, know that we CARE FOR YOU and enjoy hearing about everything that goes on in the life of your family. Thanks again!

Andrea B.

 
At 7:12 AM , Blogger Susan said...

I am sorry...for you and Allie...I am so sorry. I pray that in this moment God would be felt. That his tender arms would enfold around you both. I am sorry.

 
At 7:19 AM , Blogger M-j said...

You know,Anonymous,
telling someone to get a grip is pretty rude. I don't know this family personally, but I can tell you that if someone told me to get a grip, that others are going through it, etc, etc, that I would be hurt, too.
This woman has just endured some very difficult times. She puts her heart and soul into this memoir in order for other people to share in this journey. She is asking for positive thoughts and prayers. Nothing more.
You were unkind, anonymous, whether you realize it or not. She hasn't slept properly in months. She is dealing with a critically ill child. She has been separated from her home, her family, her children. For goodness sake, have some heart! You may be a Christian, but it was not a Christian thing to say!!!
At least stop hiding behind your anonymous signature.

Trish: I am praying for you and your strength, your family, your children and your sweet Ashley. You have a right to put whatever you want on your blog. I think the others are right in that you should either moderate comments or disallow anonymous posts so that people have to put their name and email in. It may help. I am so inspired by all you have been through!

 
At 7:38 AM , Blogger Sandy said...

Trish,

I hope with everyone's encouraging comments you feel alittle better. The world (especially) the internet, is unfortunetly filled with "not so nice" people. Please do not take this person's comment to heart. For every "not so nice" person, there IS a "nice" person to take that person's place which is plainly seen here on your comment blog. You have shared your family's journey so openly with all of us, please don't let someone ruin that. You have been through alot in these past months (more than anyone of us reading this blog probably realizes) and we appreciate it otherwise we all wouldn't continue to read and comment. If I were closer to you I would come and help you in a heartbeat (as many of us would) You just need to step back, take a deep breath and relax. It will all come together for you and work out in time. I am happy that Ashley (and you) are finally back home! She really is a little trooper!!

Keep your spirits up, we are all thinking about you and wishing you well!

 
At 7:44 AM , Blogger Alicia and Chris said...

Trish (and Allie),

I've always heard that Satan does not attack the lukewarm. He goes straight for those who are making an enormous difference in the kingdom of God. You are affecting the world for Christ through this blog - through your honesty and integrity. Although it may not have been your original intention, you have opened a platform for the Lord to work in and through you to touch the hearts of so many who have come to care for your sweet Ashley Kate. You have no idea the impact that you are having on our lives. I have never even met you (and probably haven't even met anyone who knows you), and I can't really even remember how I found your blog so many months ago. But every day I eagerly wait for my husband to get home to share news about Ashley with him. We are constantly lifting you and your family up in prayer. To see our prayers working in your daughter has been an amazing testimony. But since you have opened yourself as a vehicle for Christ, the discouragement from people like anonymous is likely to follow. This is a victory for Christ, and it impedes Satan's work. Please know that we are all here to pray against that influence on your heart that is calling you to end the blog. We do not judge you (in fact, I know that the state of my house would be the straw that would break my back as well!). Instead we delight in the miracle that He is working out through Ashley. We are not here to offer discouraging words. Instead we lift you up to the One who is in control. For every anonymous, there are thousands of prayer warriors. And, anonymous, we're praying for you too. You are, quite obviously, hurting. And I welcome your honesty, but I rebuke your judgment. This is no place for that.
Hang in there, Trish, and please give your sweet Ashley (and poor Allie, who had to hear such discouraging words) a huge hug from a prayer-warrior stranger. =)

(By the way, I've been working on something for Ashley, and I would love an address to send it to. I completely understand if you do not feel comfortable posting it, but if you feel comfortable passing it on to me, you can do so at aliciadockins@yahoo.com.)

God bless your sweet family!

 
At 7:48 AM , Blogger Paulette said...

Hey Trish,
You know what? I am proud of every true word you have put on your blog! We as Christians need to show sadness, hurt, pain, ect. We are human and if you were not as honest as you are it would all be a lie. There is nothing wrong in showing emotion. You have been through a huge deal and have a right to be raw and honest!
I lived a life of horror, when I got to the point I could deal with it and people told me to get over it, I simply said I will get over it when I can, and I have come a long way.
This is your life Trish and Ashleys story, to do anything other than what you are doing would not do it justice.
When you read rude comments just give it to the Lord, I assure you it isn't about YOU it is about them and there pain, seriously.
Tell Allie it isn't about your family, it is about them.

 
At 7:54 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad to read of all of Ashley's accomplishments. I am sure that she feeds off of the amazing strength of her mommy and the rest of her family! I am so glad to have had the privilage to pray for your family since the day Rae told me about your sweet little Ashley (I just can't believe she is finally bigger than my little Carolina).
(((hugs))) and prayers for your family. Also praying for healing of the hurt that others find necessary to bestow on your family.

 
At 8:13 AM , Anonymous Dawn said...

I am so sorry that others words have hurt you. I am a long time reader, and frequent prayer for your family, having been directed to your site from others. I have always been amazed at how authentic you are, and I ached for you the other night, but was amazed at your tenacity to keep going, to keep being positive. Please know that it is ok to be REAL, it is what being part of a family is all about, and you have created a "web" family. Continue to share your heart and we will continue to lift you up to our Father, who hold you in His hands.

 
At 8:30 AM , Blogger Lettie said...

Trish, my heart breaks for the individual who is so full of bitterness that he or she is blind the ministry that has developed through the sacrifices you and your family have made and continue to make as you courageously continue on Ashley's journey. The Lord always provides me with perfect verses for such situations. I proudly share them with you and hope they will bring you comfort and joy . . ."Your sorrow will be turned into joy." John 16:20 NKJV No one need be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is his joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. "In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." Romans 8:37 NKJV You can fight with confidence where you are sure of victory. With Christ and for Christ victory is certain.

 
At 8:57 AM , Anonymous Tara said...

Trish and Dave
Know that Ashley's story has touched many lives and I am glad you shared her story with the world.

I feel people need to remember that everyone goes through tough times in their lives and when you are in that time that is what is real to you. When I suffered my miscariage, people when make comments like at least it happened then and not after you carried the baby for 9 months, when a friend of ours lost their son after 15 days,people made comments. When my nephew was born with hearring loss, people would tell my sister it will be ok, it isn't that bad, it could be worse and like she told me but this is my son and this is a big deal to me in my life right now. Your blog is your thoughts and feelings about your life and what you are going through right now. Don't apologize for your feelings or thoughts. We are blessed to be able to see a small glimpse in your life.

Sorry about the grammer and spelling mistake, I am trying to type fast.

God Bless you
Tara

 
At 9:25 AM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Trish, I left a comment on the original post--I am afraid my words were pretty harsh for Anonymous, but it makes me CRAZY to see somebody use the cover of "Anonymous" to attack you!!

If there is anything good that comes out of somebody leaving a hateful comment (and that's debatable!) it's that you get so many others who come forward to encourage, support, and defend you. I almost quit blogging after I got two such comments--one suggested that I didn't love the Lord because I prefer to go to church on Saturday nights. Her exact word was that I'm "lazy." I protest! Taking three small children to church by myself each week is anything but lazy! And the other comment questioned my love for my children because I had a birthday dinner without them at a nice restaurant. I only had two comments like that, but it was enough to make me question whether I wanted to continue to open up my life for others, if that's the response I got. So I understand a little how you're feeling. Whatever you decide is ultimately up to you--it's your life to share or protect--but your words about your life and Ashley's story have incrdibly blessed so many thousands of people, as well as given them the opportunity to pray for you faithfully.

I'm holding you in much prayer today, that not only are you comforted, but that your house is making good progress, and that the Lord protects you specifically from people who hide under "Anonymous" to hurt you.

And I'm sorry again that my words regarding my own self (see my earlier comment if this doesn't make sense!) were taken out of context and used to attack you.

Sending much love and hugs--
Sarah

 
At 9:46 AM , Blogger Staci Barham said...

Trish and family,

We are so excited to hear that you are all back in Longview TOGETHER!! Just know that we are praying for everything that is going on and we hope that you have a wonderful day :)!!

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help?

 
At 10:03 AM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Trish, I'm back because after reading your posts today I had to address mean people in my own blog. I wrote a post and asked my readers to come here and give you some support and encouragement. I hope you feel the love today. You are a precious gift :)

I hope today is happier--I'm praying for you, girl!

 
At 10:16 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

Sorry you were hurt by the comment. But I must say, this is due to the love/hate relationship so many have with the internet. This would have never been told to your face. I actually think the person was sincere when he/she said it was not meant to hurt you (although telling someone to get a grip is no small thing to say). No one here would hurt you in person.

It is due to the nature of the internet. We can sit anonymously behind closed doors and type whatever we want and think it will not effect people like it does.

The internet is wonderful in many ways, but it is inhuman.

If you ever read a new's article online, look at some of the comments below the article. The comments are almost always horrible. People think they can get away with a lot online.

It seems to me you and Dave have been hurt enough by some of the bad posts and perhaps that one lady is right, it is time to start limiting the comment section.

I know when I get hurt, it takes me a couple days to get over it. You do not need to be hurt like this again.

Praying for you and your darling family. Best, Clare

 
At 10:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish! Trish! Trish! I am so sorry you had to read those words.

I so deeply admire your courage and transparancy in your writings. The fact that you allow us into your heart is remarkable and isn't something we readers should take lightly!

Trish, a upside-down house is hard enough to deal with when everyone is healthy and well-rested! Please be encouraged.

May God carry you and uphold you and heal you!

Keep up the writing!
Chris from Canada

 
At 10:38 AM , Blogger Kelly said...

Bless your heart! Every mommy can relate to your frustration of walking into a mess of any sort after a long day, let alone months away. You have dreamed of being back in your cocoon with your sweet family, and seeing the disarray must have just seemed like one more overwhelming hurdle, when you are so ready for a place to hide from all the ugliness you have gone through. I am sending up prayers that God will just fill your heart with a lightness and joy that will sustain you as you tackle this challenge... I also pray that God will replace your tears with laughter as you settle into life with the whole family.

I loved hearing that carpool was the highlight of your day... funny how the very things we can complain about in our daily lives can become something to look forward to... you have given me a precious reminder, and I will dwell on that this afternoon as I sit in the sloooowly moving line at school.
(I am so sorry for the ugliness that others have brought to this special place and hope you will not let it overshadow the many others who are so encouraged by your story- God is using you!)

 
At 10:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is obvious to us readers is that you love your family very much. You have gone through this difficult time with so much grace and thankfulness. It is only human to get frustrated and cry. It is only human for a mother and wife who is living in chaos to break down and think that you cannot handle it all. But you always remember who is helping you and you always come back from your despair with thankfulness and hope. I am so glad to read your words every day and see that you are human and that you love your family so much that you want everything to be perfect for them. It is what we all want for our families and when we realize that it just isn't always possible, we all break down sometimes. So keep living your life and keep being human. You are encouraging so many of us that need to hear your words.

 
At 11:24 AM , Blogger polly said...

I'm here via Sarah's In the Midst of It! I'm so sorry you were hurt by a mean comment. I think your reaction to the homecoming was 100% a-okay! :) I'll say a prayer for you and for Allie. Ashley is just beautiful. Thank you for being honest and open, and I pray that the wound that was ripped open by words will heal with the outpouring of 'good stuff' you get today.

 
At 11:24 AM , Blogger sarah cool said...

Nasty anonymous comment really stink.

I'll say a prayer that you are able let go of the feeling of being attacked and move on - that that pain will go away. That God TAKES that pain away from your heart.

A "friend" in a Bible study of mine left some very horrible "anonymous" comments on my blog last year, and to be honest, it still hurts me to think back on it.

I guess I need to pray for both of us. :-)

 
At 11:40 AM , Blogger Shari F. said...

Trish-I have to post again. "Anonymous" has yet again posted something unkind. Please, please ignore these comments. Think about where this person is coming from. He/she is bitter and in misery from hurt/pain or whatnot. Please continue to post the real you! It has helped so many! I read time and time again where others are encouraged by you and so uplifted by a Mommy who has endured so much, but yet comes out on top. We know, of course, this is the Lord Jesus. I love your family even though I have never met you. Hang in there, sweetie! And remember, you need to rest too. I love you--Shari

 
At 11:46 AM , Blogger erin said...

This post absolutely breaks my heart for you. What a beautiful testimony you share on your blog. I appreciate your honesty and sincerity. Hang in there, sweet girl. I am saying a prayer for you and your family as I type this. Take care.

 
At 12:03 PM , Blogger Elizabeth said...

Here from In the Midst of It. I last visited your blog around the holidays and was thrilled to learn that Ashley has come home! You share your story with tenderness, openness and grace--thank you for ministering to us. I loved how excited the three of you were about the carpool line! Sweet moments for a precious family.

 
At 12:04 PM , Blogger Teri said...

Trish, my heart just breaks for you having to deal with the comments you have had to deal with. You have allowed your family's struggles to be an open book, that has encourage so many. You have hundreds of people around the world praying for you and lifting your family up. Never doubt for an instant what a blessing your writtings have been. You have been so open and raw and have really put your family out there.

Thank you for taking that risk. We are praying for your entire family.

 
At 12:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Trish,

I am sorry you have to be hurt by unkind comments. I am praying for you and your family. I am sooo happy Ashley is HOME! Even if the home needs a little mommy TLC! :)

The good thing to focus on this week is that Ashley is HOME! She did it! She fought the good fight and won a trip home this week.

I am praying that all who come to this blog will be as inspired as I am by your beautiful postings.

 
At 12:25 PM , Blogger Junelle said...

Trish-- don't dwell on the negative that was said to you. Think about the impact you have made to the people that read your blog. I check it out many times in a day. Praying for you and your family. May God bless and keep you and your loved ones in His care.

 
At 12:31 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

Trish, I really feel led to ask you this question...do you need physical help with the house? I don't know you personally, but we live in the area and we've been praying for your family for a while. My husband and I are very busy (we both work full time; he in Shreveport!), but we cleared out some time the last weekend in March if we can come over and help with your house. You can leave a comment on my blog if you can. I feel like I'm offering to help within my own terms; I hope it's not coming across as such. We feel led to at least offer to help, but I want to be honest about the time we have available. Thanks for sharing everything you have. I cried for you the last few days...

 
At 12:58 PM , Blogger ChupieandJ'smama said...

I'm so sorry that someone said something that was hurtful. The words that the person wrote seem to be full of anger and bitterness. It seemed to come from a person who perhaps feels judged so they judged someone else. Clearly this is a person in pain, who feels the need to inflict pain on others. It's unfortunate that he or she was unable or unwilling to break their cycle of pain. I hope you know that that was one person, with one (wrong) opinion. You are a wonderful wife and mother. You are doing wonderfully for your family. I'm praying for you and your family. I hope you can let this hurt go. I'm also praying for the person who wrote that. I hope that he or she can see what kind of damage those harsh words can do. Blessings to you.

 
At 1:02 PM , Blogger Grandma Cathy said...

My husband and I are in ministry and we feel we are on the fron line of the battle field, we have bullets coming from every different direction. Your family, is also in ministry, through this story of Ashley's, you are touching so many lives through this story, and you are helping several of Gods people grow in their walk, It's got to be very hard but please try not to take it personal the enemy doesn't want Ashley's story to continue because so many are being touched by her story, continue the race. I just posted something last night that kind of goes along with this, and I used this scripture, only I posted it from THE MESSAGE BIBLE, I usually use NIV but this really meant a lot to me, with what I'm going through from THE MESSAGE. So keep running! Hebrews 12:1-3 "Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! " The Message
You are a great servant, serving HIM. Keep on keepin on!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 1:02 PM , Anonymous Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry you were hurt like this. You are a blessing to many!(I followed a link from Sarah at "in the midst of it" to your site - I will be praying for you and your family!) God loves you more than you can imagine!

 
At 1:05 PM , Anonymous Mary said...

I just got done reading Sarah's post today, and she was telling us about someone saying such hurtful things to you. I am so very sorry anybody would do such a terrible thing. I'm saying extra prayers for you that this will not discourage you from being open to others. It is so obvious what a wonderful ministry your story and your dear child's life is. God bless and big hug, Mary from Georgia (someone who reads Sarah's blogs)

 
At 1:05 PM , Blogger Leanne said...

Hi Trish,
I occasionally check in on you and Ashley...I'm so glad she is home. People's words can cut us so deep...my heart aches for you that someone would do that to you...
I rejoice in the blessings of your uexpected homecoming.... You have been through so much... I wish I could take the pain of those words away. I hope just the amount of good comments you have received will encourage your heart!!
Love,Leanne Heern

 
At 1:17 PM , Blogger Connie said...

((((Hugs))) to Trish and her family. Thanks for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly with us. I have laughed and cried and prayed along with you for several months now. Thank you. I'll keep praying, too.

 
At 1:29 PM , Blogger Ivey Elizabeth Sirmans said...

Numbness is not an option. This is your life. Make the most of it. Sweet Ashley is teaching lesson you may never envision. Hang in there. I have family members press the same issues along with some other opinions. Yet, they are rarely here. They do not carry the burdens, or understand the pain. When we put personal information out there, we have to be ready for the fact that not everyone cares or feels the same way. But look at the support from hundreds compared to the opinion of one. You are surrounded with love.
How's the mylanta working?
Gwen.

 
At 1:32 PM , Blogger Alison said...

So glad that you are home and all together again!!! What a huge step in the right direction!!!

Please don't take on the burden of someone elses pain. Hurting people choose to hurt. your story is a blessing to many!

Perhaps consider not allowing annonymous comments.

 
At 1:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep moving forward. You and your family are such an inspiration to so many people. I encourage you to press on in the name of the LORD. Thanks for your willingness to share your life story with us.
Much love to all!

 
At 1:39 PM , Blogger April said...

Trish, I am deeply sorry for the words that were left here that hurt you and your daughter. I will pray for anonymous to be filled with the fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, & self-contrl. Negativity and judgement were not included there. My prayer is that anonymous will find that negative comments are not welcome or helpful here. Trish, I hope that you do agree with previous posts and decide to take note of how many positive posts you get vs. the negative. I know that they must still hurt but those posts, are being left by a hurt person. My prayer is also that anonymous will find another outlet for their negativity and hurt rather than using it to disturb others and their families. I really appreciate all aspects of Ashley's journal. I do not always leave a comment but I check it several times a day. I appreciate that you are open and willing to share your story. I have passed this site on to many prayer warriors that I know. Most importantly, I have seen Jesus in yourself and your husband. I think that others would agree.

 
At 1:42 PM , Anonymous Joelle said...

Trish, I am commenting for the first time, but I have been following Ashley's story for a long while -- and adding my prayers to those of others who lift you up to the Lord regularly. I have NOT read that hurtful comment and will not, but it pains me to read about yours and Allie's pain over this. Know that your family's story has strengthened my faith. I plan to ask our Bible study to pray for your family tonight!

 
At 1:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I have come on multiple times today (between taking care of kids) to finish reading your post.

I am so sorry! It broke my heart to read this. You don't deserve these unkind words. I have never met you but I know through reading Ashley's journal that you are one amazing person. We are praying for all of you.

Blessings,
Lori

 
At 1:59 PM , Blogger Linda said...

This is my first visit. I have come from Sarah's. I am so very sorry that you have been so hurt. I know there are those who would tell us not to care what others say, but that is so much easier said than done. Those words do hurt - right to the heart. Please know that I have nothing but absolute admiration for you. Your sweet spirit and tender heart are so obvious. I'm going to add Ashley and your family to my prayer list. I only pray that I will handle the inevitable difficulties in my life with the faith and grace and love that you have.

 
At 1:59 PM , Blogger Wendy said...

I just found your blog today...and I want to reinforce for you how incredibly courageous and GIVING it is to do what you do here. Sharing your family's story is so important to other families that are facing challenges each day with sick children. Knowing that someone else is going through a similar challenge, persevering, and surviving it, is just SO IMPORTANT. I believe we are all on this earth for one reason - to touch other's lives in a positive way. You are doing that here. The people out there who may respond negatively are the people who probably need blogs like this more than anyone else. Bless you and your family and your wonderful, beautiful little girl. You will be in my prayers.

Wendy
caribousmom.blogharbor.com

 
At 2:26 PM , Blogger Judith said...

Hi there, This is Sarah's grandma.

Although it hurts tremendously, and is mean spirited and awful, one little thorn does not destroy the rose.

When we're least able to bear the pain, we'll run into them someimes, and no, this isn't fair.

Refuse to let this hurt you any more by thinking about it. In God's garden you and your family are still a beautiful rose.

 
At 3:15 PM , Blogger Connie Barris said...

I am so so so sorry for your pain....it's like you do not need one more thing....

I just wrote a devotional on mean people...and in it.. I have determined that I have at some point come across to someone as a mean person and I would ask that someone forgive me just as I am going to forgive this person...

That said....

This is one of those wonderful opportunities where I envisioned Christ going to the Cross taking my Sins with Him...
(I promise I don't mean to sound like I"m preachin')

It's hard, I know.. I'd prefer to pinch his /her head off....but what a wonderful example to everyone.. if you rise above this person....

If I was there I would hug you (unless you aren't a hugger, then I would bow) big smile....

I'm praying for you and sweet Ashley... and sweet Allie...all your family

Connie

 
At 3:28 PM , Blogger Kim said...

Just here to say I am praying for you...and supporting you! Your journey sounds like a very difficult one...but I know our God is with you every step of the way---the painful days and the joyful ones. may you always trust in Him!

Praying today!
Kim

 
At 6:08 PM , Blogger Jenny said...

Trish, I am sorry that people feel the need to post negativity. If there weren't so many people that use the "anonymous" identity to post encouraging things, I would suggest doing away with the anonymous comments. I just want you to know that I have been encouraged time and time again by this story, and by you as a mother. You are a great mom and wife and anyone who reads this site regularly can see that!! Be encouraged today, because although you may not always be able to see it, God IS using Ashley's story for good!! Blessings on you and yours!!!!

 
At 7:48 AM , Anonymous Grandma said...

It is absolutely wonderful and uplifting to read all the wonderful comments left by so many. God is truly using you, Trish and Dave as you have shared so much through Ashley's journal. Please continue to be encouraged by the many, many fabulous folks who have time after time been on their knees on behalf of Ashley and the family. I know that God is pleased with you sharing your heart and for speaking words that the Holy Spirit gives you that others need to hear. My prayers go up for the one who is hurting from their own losses. Even though the comment left may have been hurtful, our God will use it for the good of many. May God's blessings flow to each and every one who is effected by the comments left on this blog and may we all concentrate on giving our precious Lord the thanksgiving He deserves greatly for all His wonderous works!!!! Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise Him for Ashley's homecoming!!!!!!! It's so wonderful to have her back here with us! Love and Hugs, Grandma

 
At 12:59 PM , Blogger Amy said...

I'm so sorry that you have shared so much of your heart and been hurt in return. Please know that there are many, many people who read your blog & pray for your family because we really care. I hope that the person who left the nasty comment has come back and realized how hurtful their words were... maybe they will think twice before dashing off a nasty remark in the future.

 
At 3:39 PM , Blogger traci said...

I just randomly came across your sweet blog today. I am so sorry for the words that hurt you – most likely written by someone who has NO CLUE. My twin daughters were stillborn about a year and a half ago and one of my biggest goals in dealing with the grief involved with that was to be completely open and honest with it all. I think there is so much strength in the ability to be transparent, especially in faith. How can we learn from one another if we all walked around like robots, smiling to each other, chanting “It’s all going to be okay – God is in control” The fact of the matter is that yes, God is in control, but this world we live in is a ugly place and as I recall it, I am pretty sure our Father is seeking honest hearts. We will struggle and He will understand and your openness regarding these struggles has no doubt spoken to and inspired a magnitude of hearts already.

Words are vicious. Lately I’ve found myself not sharing more then photos, for the words I want to say will be judged, and that is incredibly hard on the heart.

Please continue to share as you have been, not allowing this “anonymous” person to hinder the work God is doing through you. Again, I am sorry that you even have to endure this. Praying for your family today.

 
At 6:53 PM , Blogger Erna said...

Trish, I applaud you for allowing God to use your blog in the way He desires. I, for one, have appreciated your honesty. I have learned so much through what you have shared. You have been open and vulnerable and I'm sure you have blessed so many. I'm sorry someone was hurtful in what they shared. I do think your blog reflects how much you cherish each blessing that you have. I never cease to be amazed at the daisies and rainbows that come through your posts in the midst of trying times. The Lord knows your hurt, He knows the person, and He holds everyone accountable. Most of all, I'm sorry Allie was affected. I know the Lord's embrace will help you overcome the hurt. Just remember . . . "no weapon formed against us shall prosper . . . "

 
At 9:18 PM , Anonymous Debbie said...

I'm so glad y'all made it back home. The mean-spirited words say much more about the character of the one saying them than the one to whom they are said. Hang in there and remember that many people are praying for you. God is faithful and I pray that He will give you His strength.

 
At 10:42 AM , Blogger Chantel H. said...

I haven't kept up reguarly, but through another Ash, I have learned and prayed...

I don't know what to say, but it hurts to think that sometimes we humans can be so cruel.

Just sending a :hug: from Colorado.

 
At 11:29 AM , Blogger Robin said...

Well, somebody does need to get a grip--but it sure isn't you!!!

Sending prayers your way; I'm here from Sarah's blog.

 
At 3:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm here from In The Midst, through Moms In Action, and through little Elliot's story earlier, the long way around. I've been an occasional lurker here for about 6 months now. But Sara's plea for us to band together and encourage you brought me out of lurking!

I have regularly marvelled at your generous and compassionate spirit and your absolute and total belief in God's faithfulness and sovereignty. You are a wonderful example of faith in the hard times. I am so sorry that your honest and gut-wrenching vulnerability was used against you. I've been there, I think we all have - both in the place of having our hearts' cries used against us and of being overwhelmed by the tasks of our life.

I pray that our Refiner uses this to purify you more and reflect His glory more in you. That' where we find ultimate healing, isn't it?! And I pray that you continue to find HIS true rest, in knowing that you are loved and cherished by Him and by all of us who follow your family's faith journey.

Many blessings to you and little Ashley's healing body!

Tracy W

 

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