In the early morning hours of today I spent some time reading the beginning of our Ashley's Journal. I realize that I was there living it and writing a good portion of it, but there was something that drew me to it. Reading through the entries brought tears to my eyes instantly as I remembered the early days of it when my Ashley was so tiny and fragile, and her future was so uncertain. As I continued on to the day that "the call" came and then into the days of transplant and operation after operation I was overcome by all that the Father brought her through. Obviously by reading my own words I could feel the pain and the fear that we lived, but I also could read past those things and I began to feel the underlying peace and rest that He gave to me. Many of those days were spent wondering what could His plan possibly be for our family and for our tiny little girl. Many of those days I felt surrounded by His arms, by His love, and by His people. Today I felt blessed. I felt encouraged and I felt His presence in her life. I am so glad Dave began this journal and convinced me to write the words that the Father laid on my heart.
As I came across the days that recorded the pain and loss of our precious friends my heart ached. As I came across the days that recorded the good news and events of our friends victories my heart danced. What a journey He has taken us on. Watching my Ashley tonight as she sits and plays I am so thankful that He walked us down this path. It has been the hardest thing we have ever done, but it has also been the most amazing thing we have ever experienced. God has been so very good to us. My Ashley has a very long way to go, but after reading all that He has brought us through I feel renewed and rejuvenated. This morning He reminded me that He is in control of her days, and He does have a plan. Its a beautiful plan.
Blake and Al are fast asleep while my Ashley plays on a pallet in the living room. Dave has gone to bed early, and I sit and remember all that we have been through and wonder what lies ahead. The children are finishing their school year and our home is getting closer and closer to being completed. We are looking forward to summer and all the fun that goes along with it. Most of all I am anticipating our days in our home surrounded by the wonderful chatter and chaos that comes along with raising 3 children. How wonderful it is to be their mom. I wouldn't want to be anything else. Again, I say that God has been good to us. He has given us more than we deserve, more than we asked for, and more than we could have ever dreamed. I am grateful.
Good night my precious friends. You will never know the impact your presence has made in my heart. You are loved and appreciated. Thank you for becoming a part of the archives of my Ashley's story. Take care and God Bless. Trish