Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

5/31/2007

Peace

I feel it all around me. It truly is a wonderful thing.

So many days I have longed for it. So many days I have prayed for it to come. So many days I have struggled with hurt, with doubt, with fear.

Last night as we walked into our home I could see it on her tiny face too. Her eyes tell me so much more than words could ever say. She recognized it. Her house. Her home. She is so tired and weak, but it didn't stop her from patting my shoulder as we walked into her nursery as if to say, "Thanks mommy for bringing me back."

The children each in their own beds was such a wonderful sight. Blake in his reading, Allie in hers journaling, and Ashley in hers dreaming. That is a feeling of peace. Knowing where all of your children are. Knowing they are safe. Knowing they are just footsteps away from me if I long to peek in at them.

"When was the last time we were all in the house in our own beds?", Dave asked.

"September 25th." I answered. It was silent for a moment, and I listened to the hum of our ceiling fan as I tried to look around our bedroom in the dark.

"Did you ever think you would bring her back home?"

The tears welled up inside of me as I prepared my answer. "No. I really did not think that she would make it back home." I silently cried myself to sleep as I felt an overwhelming release.

How ugly it is for me to have to admit that. I hide it deep inside of me and only share it with the Father. I was scared. I was unsure. I was struggling. The memories of some of the events over the past 8 months haunt me, but there is another side to those memories. There is a testimony that was being molded. There is joy that came from the sorrows. There are victories that came from our defeats. He was always there and He was always working.

Even though some things continue to make me unsure and even though some things around the house are not complete, I still feel peaceful inside. Its so hard to describe, but all I can share with you is that my world seems right. My Ashley is home. I am home. Our family is home, and it is such a nice place to be.

Ash slept the majority of today. Her liver numbers are still a little out of whack and we don't know why. Her WBC's are very low, but I am praying for her to begin recovering soon. It is so difficult to watch her struggle every three weeks, but I am so thankful that she only has to go through it one more time. I am ready for chemo to be over, and I pray that she never has to experience it again. Thank you so much for checking on our tiny pickle today. Good night and God bless you. Trish

12 Comments:

At 10:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

So happy to hear that you all are finally home! It is also wonderful to hear that Ashley remembered her home! I think you are an insprational family! Thanks for sharing Ashley's story with all of us! Praying still! ~Chan~

 
At 4:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Trish,

I've followed your story for some time now and haven't posted much, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers often. So glad you are home and experiencing God's awesome peace. You have many people that you will never know this side of heaven praying for you and your dear family. I'm one of them. I'll continue to lift you up and look forward to hearing how God continues to work in your lives. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Becky

 
At 6:05 AM , Blogger Carey said...

Welcome home!
Im glad to hear you are home.
Im praying for your family today.

 
At 6:10 AM , Blogger TCC said...

Praise God! What wonderful news. Praying that God continues to restore health to Ashley.

 
At 6:54 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for all of you today... I also am so very glad for you all that you are home again at last.
Thank you for your beautiful testimony and for continuing to share with us little Ashley's life. We love you!

 
At 7:50 AM , Anonymous Scotty Mac said...

Welcome home you guys!!! I am so glad this day finally arrived! Rejoicing with you,
Scotty

 
At 10:18 AM , Blogger Kelly said...

I am so glad you're home! I've been praying for this for a while now. I almost started crying when I read your little confession. Thank you SO much for sharing that information. If only we all could be so honest. Thank you for pouring your heart out several times a day. :) I'm praying for all of you today.

 
At 11:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish
I am so happy that you and family have finally made it back to your home. I hope you all have a safe and healthy summer! Jaka

 
At 12:58 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

So excited y'all are home! I know the joy is overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. I know it's not easy, but it is inspiring to those of us who read this. God bless you guys!

 
At 1:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you wouldn't be human if you weren't afraid with a deal like your daughter has. you may be stronger than concrete but you are not the one in control. that buids faith

 
At 12:09 PM , Blogger Woman Lost said...

Yeah! Unlurking to tell you how happy I am for you to all be home. Until you are not there, I dont think you can truly appreciate just how wonderful it is.

 
At 9:13 PM , Anonymous oh amanda said...

I'm so happy for you! I was just thinking of the verse in John (?) that says that Jesus gives us peace NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES. Wow! He gives us his own peace! I pray you continue to feel his peace!

 

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