Telling Her Story

It has been a week of struggling, of debating, and of praying. I really thought that we had shared all we could. I had told myself that people were tired of hearing, tired of listening, and tired of reading about her. I told myself that her story had been told and we had done our job, but after hearing about the lives that were changed during the benefit concert last night I realized that He is still using our Ashley to tell not only her story but HIS. THANK YOU CINDY for helping me to see that He is not finished with His work. The truth behind the struggle is that I was tired. Tired of being criticised and of having my words mistaken by those who don't really know me and don't really know my heart. This morning I am no longer tired. I am excited. God is using her story, and He didn't bring her this far for a weary mommy to stand in the way of His plan for her life.

Ashley's story may never reach the masses or never change the world, but that's o.k. What I am learning is that Ashley's story changes hearts. One heart at a time. It began by changing our hearts and it continues to trickle into the hearts that HE brings to hear . It is no accident that those of you who love and pray for our Ashley have come to know her. It is no accident that you are reading the words of this journal. If you are here then you are hear because I believe He wants to use you to make a difference. He IS using you to make a difference. Your prayers are keeping her close to the throne of grace and they are changing lives all over. Your encouragement and support push us to become better people, better parents, better witnesses. I could never thank you enough for holding me accountable. When I am tired and weary I come here and it sends me back to Him. Thank you for the part you are playing in this story.

Ashley's journey is nothing like I had thought it was going to be. It has been difficult and painful and exhausting, but I would not change one moment, or one day, or one piece of it. It is this journey and this struggle that is molding me. The joy that I feel inside because I am allowed to love her is wonderful. He has shown me how it feels to love others with the love of Christ, and I assure you that the joy that comes back to you when you allow yourself to just love on people is indescribable. If Ashley's story can change one heart or life then her journey has been worth it. If the telling of her story can bless one tired mommy or encourage one transplant family then I will tell it. Its all about pointing others to Christ. That's why she has been on this journey.

I will continue to write her story. I will continue to tell anyone who chooses to listen all that the Father has done in our lives through this amazing child. I will continue. It is taking me awhile to lose the walls and the shields that I hid myself behind this week. It is still painful when I think how I failed to show some my true heart and intentions, but its not about them. I am still learning how to keep my eyes focused on Him and not allow the words or opinions of others to hurt. Shame on me for ever taking those words to heart. His opinion is far more important and His forgiveness holds no memory of wrong.

I love you guys for you willingness to love our Ashley because you love the Father. I love you guys for sticking around on the good days and the bad days. I love you guys because you choose to be here each day cheering me on as her mom and lifting her up in prayer. I love you guys because you tell others about her and that allows others to see the miracles He works each day in our home. Breathing, laughing, smiling, rolling, eating, clapping, standing, playing, are all miracles when they are done by this little pickle who was almost lost time and time again. Each day I hold and kiss and love on a miracle and that has changed my heart. Thanks guys for helping me see the bigger picture this past week. You have changed my life. Have a great day. Trish