Ashley and I
So much of her life it has been just that, Ashley and I. For months on end that's the way it was. Many, many nights I longed to be home with Dave, Blake, and Allison, but our time spent together was nothing short of amazing. During those long days and nights away from our home here in Texas I would sit and hold my bundle of baby girl and just stare at her face. I spent hours memorizing every detail of her. I made it my job to know her. Every part of her. So many of my precious friends were forced to say good bye to their babies and something inside of me broke as I realized they would never again have the opportunity to gaze into those tiny faces. If the day ever came where their reality became mine I knew that I wanted to be able to close my eyes and truly see her face for ever. So I studied. As I study every inch of her I would pray. I would thank the Father for the way He had made her. Her eyes, those long lashes, round, puffy cheeks, tiny pink lips, that little point on her chin, the tiniest ears you have ever seen. Put all of that together and it makes for a beautiful little girl. One of the prettiest I have ever seen. I loved those moments with her.
Since returning home life has been crazy. There haven't been too many hours for Ash and I to spend alone. Just her and I. I'm not complaining. I love having the family with us. I'm just saying that I have been missing those quiet hours that I so often spent staring at her face and praying over her life. Tonight I had the opportunity to have a few. Blake and Al were at the house with Dave working and Ash and I were here at grandmas. She and I retreated to the guest room and we laid on the bed to play and talk. How wonderful it was to stare into her face. To ask her what she was thinking about and to imagine her answering me. She didn't have too much to say. Just the occasional squeak as she chewed on her fingers, but it was nice to just memorize more and more of her. She made me laugh. She would close her eyes and pretend to be asleep then pop open her eyes and giggle when she caught me looking at her. We sang songs, played patty cake, watched a movie that made us laugh together, and just enjoyed hanging out. When I reached across her to grab my drink she would reach up and push my arm out of her way. "Excuse me," I would say and then laugh at her because she did not want my arm obstructing her view of Blues Clues. Shes a funny little pickle. Everything about her makes me smile. This morning I had the privilege of watching her big brother and sister sit on the floor and play with her. All three were giggling together just the way I had imagined they would once we made it back home. They were just enjoying her and my heart was more than blessed to look on.
She is now sleeping and I once again have a moment or two to gaze at her and pray over her life, her body, her organs, her struggles, her fragile health, and her purpose. How did I ever fall into this wonderful life I am living? I have no idea, but I am so grateful for it all. The good and the bad. I believe its the making it through the bad together that helps to sweeten the joy we find in all of the good. Ashley and I are home again. Ashley and I are surrounded by our family. Ashley and I are happy. Ashley and I are blessed. Ashley and I are tougher because of what we have been through. Ashley and I are sleepy. Ashley and I are ready to call it a night. Good night and God Bless you. Trish